Yesterday we looked at some ways children’s behavior can affect and undermine a marriage. Here is another way. Some children, by their anti social behavior, affect friendships and marriages.
Take this example, of a couple I know who invited another couple and their child over for dinner one evening. After dinner, the child who may have been hyperactive or maybe had a problem like ADHD started to swing on a tall piece of furniture which threatened to topple over. If it did it could have caused serious injury to the child and also have caused damage to the furniture and the things in its path.
If this had been our child Mick and I we would have stepped in at this point and taken the child away from the piece of furniture and given them a stern talk and thereby resolved the problem. This couple did nothing and it was left to the person whose home it was to chastise the child.
Despite having been provided with toys to play with and the company of the host’s child, the visiting child then continued to find ways of making what should have a relaxing and pleasant evening, long and stressful. The result was that evening seriously affected the relationship between the two married couples.
Yes this is an extreme example. But it happened. Maybe the situation is not always as pronounced as that, but it’s still not that uncommon.
Parents should teach children what is acceptable behavior and what is not and how to behave in social situations. Because Mick and I were united and tried to be consistent in our child rearing ideas about behavior and discipline, we were always able to take our children anywhere -to friend’s places, the movies, to live theatre or wherever and know they’d behave. Don’t get me wrong they weren’t angels all the time. Like any kids they got up to their share of mischief and tried to push the boundaries, but they knew where the boundaries were and knew the consequences if they crossed those boundaries of acceptable behavior.
One other woman I know told me once she and her husband rarely go anywhere together or as a family because she cannot trust her children to behave. The only option for an evening out to happen is one stays home with the children while the other part of the couple goes out. Can you imagine what this situation does to a marriage? It leaves this couple vulnerable to too many situations where one partner is going out on their own to enjoy themselves while the other isn’t. It also means the marriage will suffer because it becomes stressful to be at home with family. That’s sure to create lots of tension and arguments, don’t you think?
By loving and disciplining your children and teaching them about boundaries and acceptable behavior you are, at the same time, helping your marriage and removing sources of stress.
Have you ever had problems with children that have affected a marriage? How did it affect the marriage and how have you dealt with it?
Related blogs
Children’s Behavior Threatening a Marriage
Setting Healthy Boundaries for Your Children 4