I often write about how parenting has expanded my life in more ways than I ever dreamt possible. One of the ways that parenting has changed me and my life is that my children have served as mirrors for me—mirrors of my values, my personal communication style, my flaws and mistakes. Sometimes, I see things in myself because of how my children parrot my sayings and philosophies and other times, I can see myself in my children glaring back at me. While we are busy trying to guide and shape our children, many of us discover that our children serve as great lessons and mirror guides for us as well.
I don’t know how people without children get these lessons, but I assume they do. Maybe it comes in other ways or just takes a little longer. What I do know is that I have been forced to look at my true self in very real ways by my children. Prior to becoming a parent, I was able to believe all sorts of things about myself—both good and bad. Over the past two decades, my kids have served to illuminate some dark shadows of my personality and to help me discover some amazing talents and personality traits that I didn’t know I had (unconditional love, trust, forgiveness, etc.) or that I was capable of. I have learned that if there is something I am trying not to face in myself—my children will find a way to shine a light on it and force me to have to deal with it!
We can run from this illumination—and many parents do—or we can welcome the gift of mirroring that our children provide for us. They really do give us the opportunity to make changes, develop untapped resources in ourselves, face those demons and family history, and celebrate the unique ways we learn to bond with them. If our children are the mirrors, we have to be the ones who choose to take a good, long look at our reflections.
Also: What Makes Your Child Amazing?
We Don’t Get to Choose Their Personalities