Those of us with high levels of anxiety generally respond in one of two ways. We either immerse ourselves in one “productive” task after another, or we do nothing at all. The root cause is the same – fear that we do not have control over our lives.
When we scramble around manically marking things of our to-do lists, we are holding out hope that the more we get done, the closer we’ll be to control. And the more control we have, the closer we’ll be to relief from anxious thoughts and feelings. After all, once we have nothing left to do, there will be nothing left to worry about. Of course, the problem is there is never “nothing” left to do.
On the flip side, those of us who choose the opposite path – essentially standing still on it – hold out no hope of controlling our lives at all. Even if we try to accomplish goals or live up to responsibilities, the outcome will fall short. Once again we will prove to ourselves and to the world that we are, indeed, failures.
If you fall into one group or the other, the solution is the same. You must take charge of your life to reduce the stress that’s fueling your anxiety. Try the following steps outlined in my book Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace.
1) Claim ownership. You have decided your priorities by what you choose to do and what you don’t. Up until now, you’ve been making choices based on your anxieties. To reclaim your life, you need to learn to make different choices. Responding to life, instead of reacting to it, allows you to take charge.
2) Weed out your worry. One of worry’s favorite, most-fertile soils is an over-busy life. When you’re so busy going from thing to thing, there’s no time to stop, to evaluate, to determine your next course. When there’s no time for you to decide, you’ve lost control. So it’s time to weed out worry by prioritizing your “to-do’s.” That’s going to mean saying no, but just remember: every “no” you say to someone else implies the “yes” you say to yourself.
3) Reclaim your priorities. It’s time to re-evaluate what’s important to you. Use these priorities as a filter to decide if and where to make changes in what you’re doing. The goal is to include those activities that enhance your life and priorities and find the courage to jettison those that don’t.
4) Stay organized. When you know what your goals are for each day and what you need to achieve, you’re able to organize your time. The challenge here for busy people is to include goals such as reflection, rest, communication, and play. The challenge for sedentary people is to include goals such as accomplishment, completion, progress, and attainment.
5) Stay active. Procrastination has the ability to transform a molehill into a mountain, as small things that perpetually get put off have a tendency to grow out of control. Worries and anxieties would much rather have you spend an hour worrying about it than five minutes doing it – and being done with it and realizing it wasn’t nearly as bad as you thought it was going to be so maybe next time you won’t worry about it so much.
6) Live in the present. Worry is the ultimate recycler. When you’re in a state of worry, you’re reliving the problems of the past and dreading the future. To take charge of your life, you need to start keeping today in line with today. Assess what is happening now and act accordingly.
7) Deal with the real. Today and every day, in each situation you find yourself in, you have a choice. You can choose to look for the truth of the situation, or you can choose to settle for your perceptions. Start to look at life with more than the eyes of fear and you’ll be amazed at the view.
8) Figure it out. Taking charge of your life means sometimes needing to come up with solutions to problems – problems you cause and problems you encounter as a normal part of living. Worry will attempt to complicate the process, because worry considers problems unwanted intruders instead of a normal part of life. In my experience, waiting problems don’t get better; they get worse. Someone’s got to open the door and deal with them, and that someone has to be you.
9) Take action. It’s not enough to decide what to do; you must decide when to do it. Again, don’t procrastinate. Wisdom has been called the application of knowledge. Be wise and apply it.
10) Adjust as you go. Life requires flexibility, an ability to bend. If you insist on factoring in every contingency, even improbable ones, you’re being rigid. Learn to adjust as you go, taking in the truth of the situation as it is, not as you fear it could be.
11) Stick with it. These steps you’re taking aren’t simply a one-time application. You need perseverance to move from baby steps to a mature stride. Settle in for the long haul, as these are steps you will need to take for the rest of your life.