Like it or not, there are some seasons in parenting when one particular child seems to dominate the spotlight. This can be for both good and bad reasons.
Take the example of a very good friend of mine whose 17-year-old daughter has put her family through quite a wild rollercoaster ride. It has been a trying time in my friend’s life, leaving her 14-year-old daughter to wonder where she stands in all of this.
Then there is my family…my oldest son who just hit a milestone in life with turning 18. We are also preparing for his high school graduation and his leaving for the Air Force. In the midst of that, we are constantly running to see his track meets.
My daughter is too consumed with her own social life to care much about who is in the spotlight these days. Actually, she just might be glad to be out of it…but that’s another story.
However, it has been a bigger issue for my youngest, my newly turned 13-year-old. While I can certainly understand some of the feelings he is struggling with, I might have to remind him of his 3rd grade year.
He had a pretty serious surgery, which involved taking a bone from his hip area and fusing it to his collarbone. He was born with his right collarbone not being connected all the way.
At the time I remember my daughter, who was in 5th grade, bemoaning all the attention he got. Yes, this just seems to happen in families with more than one child.
But no matter, I also recognize that as a parent I have to be understanding and find ways to make those who feel out of the spotlight appreciated and loved. While I would like to say it is possible to give your children the same amount of attention, the reality is that sometimes it just can’t happen.
So here is a tip that I learned a long time ago and have been trying to implement lately. Focus on your child’s love language. If you haven’t already heard of the book, “The Five Love Languages of Children” by Gary Chapman, I highly recommend it.
Oftentimes we show love in ways that we would like love to be shown to us. But we may not be speaking the other person’s love language. For instance, with my youngest son his biggest love language is gifts and close in second is physical touch (hugs, snuggling, etc.). So I am going a little extra distance with that this week.
Recognize when you need to pull back as a parent and have some special time with that child who feels outside of the spotlight.
Related Articles:
Learn Your Teen’s Love Language
Celebrating a Birthday Milestone
Photo by hberends in stock.xchng