In part I, I introduced you to this new form of abuse, PAS, and offered some warning signs. Additional signs follow.
Discussing with the children details of why the marriage or relationship failed as well as details of the divorce settlement.
Making false accusations of sexual abuse, drug and alcohol use or other illegal activities by the other parent.
Flat out asking the children to choose one parent over the other.
Questioning the child about the other parents’ personal life.
You can find out more information about PAS here.
Sadly, PAS is not the only form of abuse being played out at the expense of our kids. Another similar form of abuse exists and it is called Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HAP).
HAP is a pattern of behavior, manipulation or actions meant to create undue difficulties or interferences in the relationship of a child with another person. It is generally a parent interfering with the relationship between their child and the child’s other parent. But it can also occur in any situation where two or more people are at odds over how a child should be raised. HAP can exist even when the couple are still living together.
The major difference between PAS and HAP is that in the case of HAP the behaviors, actions and decisions of a person are called into question. PAS refers to the psychological condition of the child. But the two are intertwined- in most cases HAP is the cause of PAS.
There are three levels of HAP: moderate, severe and critical. Most cases fall within the moderate category. Listed below are examples of each type.
Moderate:
Badmouthing the other parent in front of the child.
Telling the other parent to deal with them only through their lawyer, even for minor conflicts.
Not allowing normal telephone communication between the child and the other parent.
Playing on the child’s feeling of guilt or sympathy.
Being uncooperative about working out summer and holiday schedules.
Not allowing visitation by saying the child is too sick or has too much homework.
Not informing the other parent of special school activities or events.
Not notifying the other parent in a timely fashion when they child has been injured.
Not allowing the child to have pictures of the other parent, even in their own room.
Throwing away gifts from the other parent.
Refusing to participate in any activity at the child’s school when the other parent is present.
Asking the child to spy on the other parent or asking for personal information.
In part III, I will list additional HAP behaviors.