Is it just me or are all single parents lonely? That is one of the things I hadn’t anticipated when I got divorced. I thought I would never be lonely, after all, I’m busy all day working and all evening and weekend with my child, I didn’t think there would be time to be lonely.
I’ve come to realize that loneliness is part of being single, but it is amplified when you are a single parent. Many times when I’m stressed or don’t know how to handle a situation I feel very lonely and alone. Dating doesn’t always solve this. If you are struggling with your child, it’s a lonely place to be. No matter how wonderful the person you date is he will never love your child like you do. It’s very easy to stand on the outside looking in and offer advice. We’ve all done it, if someone else’s child is misbehaving in some way we are quick to offer our solution. Unfortunately those solutions aren’t made from intimate knowledge of the child and the situation.
Sometimes I feel judged when others tell me what I should or shouldn’t do for or with my child. When that happens I stop talking about what is going on, and then I’m even lonelier. It’s hard when other people haven’t had a child going through the same thing your child is going through but still, they want to tell you how best to fix the problem.
Since becoming single I try to be more understanding and less judgmental about other people’s parenting choices. I think all of us, before we had children, knew exactly what we would do if our child ever behaved badly. Then you have a child, and you are more lost than you ever imagined. As parents we need to give each other a break. If you think someone is handling a situation wrong, don’t jump in and offer your advice. Let the other parent talk. A lot of the time all we really need is for someone to listen, sometimes just saying it out loud allows you to see a better solution, a different way to deal with something. If a single parent asks your advice, remember, this is still their child, phrase everything positively, instead of just talking about punishment and consequences, talk about helping the child learn for his or her mistakes.
Remember, everyone gets lonely, be a friend, listen without judgment. You will make it a little bit easier for those of us who feel so alone at times.