We have all heard jokes about how parents have a tendency to think their children are the smartest, most beautiful and most amazing creatures to ever walk the earth. I, for one, don’t think there is anything wrong with that! There are some positive things that come from a little bit of denial as a parent (more about that in another article.) At the same time, we can cultivate a denial when it comes to our children that can be harmful. There are definitely times when we need to put on our objective glasses and know when there are problems that need to be addressed.
I think that it can be a good thing for a parent to have a broad understanding of what is “normal”—this way you are less likely to panic every time your child does something quirky or different. At the same time, however, we still need to be on the look-out for family and child behaviors that signal something bigger is going on. For example, biting may be a common behavior among the preschool set—but that does not make it okay. As a parent, we still need to address, stop, and correct it. Things like over-eating, hoarding food, violence, toileting issues, regression—these are all behaviors that signal something is going on for the child. It may not be a huge something, but it is more than just your everyday misbehaviors. For a parent to ignore these issues, as well as others that are unsafe or dangerous is to let one’s denial get in the way of doing what is best for the child.
These behaviors are not just troublesome; they are also really a cry for help. As parents, it is our job to err on the side of caution and seek help and attention for our children even if we only suspect that something might be going on. It doesn’t hurt to do a little family check-up with a therapist or counselor if you suspect something is troubling your child. If you find out that it is within the realm of normal behavior, you will at least be laying the foundation for letting your child know how to seek and get help in a healthy way when problems arise. While denial may make you feel better temporarily, it isn’t helping anyone in the long run.
Also: Denial and the Single Parent