Earlier today, I wrote a rather serious article about how denial on the part of a parent (or two) can be harmful to our children and our families. To be fair, I also wanted to write a little more light-hearted piece about the benefits of a healthy dose of denial on the part of a parent. There are definitely times when it is probably best that we NOT make a big deal out of something!
I think I have already made clear my opinion on dealing with big stuff—watching out for problems that might be developing from our children’s behavior. What about the “little stuff”—however? Sometimes, problematic behavior doesn’t have to be a big deal. I cannot help but think of how my middle daughter was a “play dough eater” as a preschooler. I remember my first ever parent-teacher conference about her and the preschool teacher got very serious: “I am very concerned about your daughter’s tendency to eat the play dough,” she said looking at me with very stern, judgmental eyes. Since I knew for a fact (as a regular volunteer) that we made the non-toxic play dough from scratch there at the school from flour, salt and water I couldn’t help but think it probably wasn’t as big of a deal as she made it out to be. She acted (and I think she said something to that effect too) as if play dough eating was a gateway drug to the harsher stuff. I decided to be an oblivious mom and not make a big deal out of the play dough snacking.
If personal safety isn’t an issue and if no one else is being hurt or troubled, nor does the behavior seem obviously weird or troublesome, then sometimes looking the other way and NOT making a big deal out of it is the best road for a parent to take. As my children have grown into teenagers, I have learned that there are just those times when I need a little denial, I need to not look at my children too closely—it is better for all of us.