‘I want my children to be happy. You can’t deprive them of everything or they’ll go the other way and rebel.’ Is this what you think? Is it how you deal with your children?
This comment came out of an column by Ruth Ostrow. The comment made by a parent of her child’s friend, was used as an excuse for providing an unhealthy food for her child.
Ruth Ostrow went onto say that Neer Korn, researcher of social trends, found many parents ‘have a guilt complex.’ The result is they try and make up for it by providing treats like chocolate bars in their children’s lunchboxes, because depriving them would make them unhappy. This is not parenting. This is giving in and not doing what is best for the child simply for the sake of peace and quiet.
We can’t give our children everything they want and expect them to grow into caring, well adjusted adults. Children need to learn there are limits. It is not love to always give in and give children everything they want.
When our son was young, he wanted a bike. Most of his mates had one. It wasn’t just that on one income, we really could not afford it, though that certainly came into it. We wanted to teach him the value of having to wait and to work for something. We suggested if he wanted the bike, he needed to save his pocket money he received for doing chores at home like wiping up and money given him as birthday gifts by relatives.
If he made an effort to show how much he wanted the bike, we would meet him half way. He worked hard to save his money and earn a bit extra by doing little jobs. When he had half the price of the bike we went shopping together and paid the other half. What did this teach him? It made him appreciate his bike more, because he’d had to wait and work for it. It taught him not everything in life comes easy. If he wanted something he had to work for it. That lesson held him in good stead later in his life.
What about the way God treats us? Does God always give us everything we want immediately we ask for it? No, He does not. Sometimes we have to wait for God’s answer. We have to persist in prayer.
Other times we may find that as we pray through a situation, our prayers change. He may show us that what we are asking is not right and not within His will for us.
Does He give us everything we want even if it’s not right for us? I don’t believe He does. God is our example of what it means to be a loving parent. Will you choose to give in to you child’s every whim or follow the example of your Heavenly Father?
Join me tomorrow as we take another look at parenting God’s way.
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