The way you react as a parent has a lasting impact on your children. Every child is different and we have to parent based on our child’s individual needs. Some children need things very structured; others just need a little guidance here and there. You have to adjust your parenting style based on what works for you and your child.
Authoritarian parents typically have very high expectations of their children. They have strict guidelines for their children and there is very little negotiation. If asked why they are likely to respond, “Because I said so.” They don’t discuss the reasoning behind rules or punishments the children are simply expected to follow them.
Authoritative parents also have high expectations of their children, but they involve the children in their parenting. They give the children choices and base rules and discipline on the needs of the child. When their children fail to meet their expectations they are more nurturing and forgiving rather than punishing. They let the children take natural consequences for their decisions. They expect age-appropriate behavior from their children and handle parenting democratically.
The permissive parent has few expectations and avoids confrontation. They may try to be more of a friend than a parent. They are very lenient and let the children govern themselves. Generally they have a very open line of communication with their children and are very nurturing.
So what happens when you and your ex have different parenting styles? I tend to be very authoritative and my ex tends to be more on the permissive side. He doesn’t like the confrontation so for the most part he lets our son do whatever he wants when he is there. He’s never liked to be the one in charge of discipline. It is very difficult for our son to come home after a weekend at Dad’s. Going from having very few expectations to the structure of Mommy’s house can be a difficult transition as it is even before the divorce. As parents you have to make adjustments. One parenting style isn’t necessarily better than another. You have to find a happy medium and combine what works for you in your situation. Communicate with your ex and do your best to come together on your parenting styles. Whether you like it or not you are still co-parents. Find what works best for your child and stick to it.