This is not going to be an article about parenting from afar, but I have been thinking about the work and the things I do as a parent and for my kids when I am not with them. We tend to think of parenting and “parenting time” as the time we are actually correcting, talking to, disciplining, or caring for our children directly. But I do think that the time we spend away from them—preparing, working on issues, solving problems, etc. is just as important. You might even say that the more effort put into the non-parenting parenting, the more prepared you’ll be when you’re in the trenches.
I think it can come as a surprise to new parents to discover that even when they get that much-needed break from their child, they are still thinking about them. How many parents find themselves out on a well-planned “date night” only to spend the evening problem-solving and talking about the kids? I have attended parenting classes and counseling sessions, read books, and spent time journaling trying to figure out how to be a better parent—all so that I could be more “present” when I was actually with my children.
I know that it is probably better for my mental health to be able to get completely away from parenting once in a while and as my kids have gotten older, I’ve been able to carve out a little more non-parenting time, but I also think that time I spend “parenting” when I’m not actually with my children is beneficial too. I think of it as studying, working on being a better mom, or problem-solving with a clear mind and fresh perspective—whatever it is, I know that even when I am not with my kids, I am still working on being a decent and involved parent.
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