I am an oldest child, I see within myself many of the traits typically exhibited by oldest children. Of course just because you are the oldest child does not mean you will exhibit all of the “oldest child” traits, but you will probably see some correspondence in your own life and that of your oldest child.
There are two types of first-borns. Although they both desire control they use different methods to attain it. The first type is a compliant nurturer or caregiver. The second type is an aggressive mover and shaker. Both types exhibit many of the first-born traits listed below.
First-born Traits
- Natural leader – majority of politicians, directors, and spokespersons are first-borns
- High achiever – sets goals and reaches them
- Picky and precise – pays attention to detail and expects perfection
- Organized and competent
- Punctual
- Likes to be in control and doesn’t like surprises
- Can be moody and lack sensitivity
- Can be intimidating and refuse to take no for an answer
- Sometimes they can be a “know-it-all”.
- Often bossy and feels that they are right
- Responsible and tries to keep the rules, will misbehave if rejected
- Tries to please others especially adults, may not say “no” or disagree because they don’t want to cause problems
- Poor at delegating because they want to make sure it’s done right
If your child is a first daughter or son with an older sibling of the opposite sex they might exhibit first-born traits. I know my brother, even though he is the middle child does, because he was the first boy.
Your child might also exhibit first-born traits if there is more than 5 years between them and their older sibling.
Parenting the First-born Child
Don’t expect perfection.
Your child already puts a lot of pressure upon himself, so don’t have higher expectations than what he can achieve. First-borns will set goals for themselves, make sure the goals are not too difficult or they will become frustrated. Make sure that your child knows what your expectations are, because they will assume they are higher.
Psychologist Kevin Leman says that first-borns seek their parents approval. “For instance, let’s say you ask your oldest son to make his bed. If you tell him it looks good but then proceed to fluff the pillow and straighten out wrinkles in the bedspread, you send the message that he could have done better.”
Don’t demand too much.
Older children often do more work than their younger siblings. Divide the work-load as soon as the younger child is capable. Don’t expect your first born to be an instant babysitter. Check with their schedule and pay them when appropriate.
Don’t put too many responsibilities on your child. You can’t expect a six year old to watch her younger siblings and then be responsible if something happens. Let her know that it is not her fault and praise her for telling you about the incident.
Provide one-on-one time.
First-borns enjoy adult company. They often feel that their parents don’t pay attention to them, because they are consumed with younger siblings. Spend time with your first born doing an activity the two of you enjoy.
Teach patience.
Eldest children are often bossy. They can do more than their younger siblings so they feel like they are better. “Remind them that they were young once and to have patience.” Help your child work through their frustrations with their younger siblings. “It is their job to teach their siblings not rule over them.”
Fun Firstborn Facts
- 52% of US presidents have been first born children, and most of the others were first-born sons
- Many newscasters and T.V. talk show hosts are first born like: Walter Cronkite, Peter Jennings, Dan Rather, Ted Koppel, Oprah, Donahue, Geraldo, Arsenio Hall and Rush Limbaugh.
- 21 out of 23 astronauts sent into space were first born, 2 were only children.
- Oldest Children are overrepresented among college faculty.
Other Blogs on Birth Order
“Does Birth Order Affect Personality?”
“Parenting Your Middle Child – What to Expect and Do.”
“Parenting Your Youngest Child – What to Expect and Do.”
“Parenting Your Only Child – What to Expect and Do.”