We parents are definitely not robots or blocks of ice–we have issues, emotions, weaknesses, and all sorts of other human elements that make us fascinating, actual people. Trying to be a good parent, however, can make us feel like we need to bury our own emotions in order to focus on our child and do “all the right things.” In reality, however, we parents need to tend to our own emotional side and take care of our emotions so that we can be loving and available parents.
The thing is, if we DON’T take care of our own emotional life, it can bubble and boil up at the most inappropriate time and we can take out our anger, frustration, and sadness on our children or our families. Burying our emotions or trying to appear stoic and perfect can just cause us to feel numb and disassociated from ourselves and our loved-ones, not to mention causing us to feel great waves of resentment.
There is nothing wrong with having real feelings, even if they seem undesirable. You don’t have to be a person who never feels anger or exasperation in order to be a “good parent.” In fact, good parents are people first. It is unfair, however, to expect our children to attend to our emotions, read our minds and know how we’re feeling, or to adjust their behavior in order to “make us” feel a certain way. It is our job to attend to our own emotions and take care of ourselves in order to be available for our children.
Learning how to express our emotions in an appropriate way with our children actually helps them develop into emotionally healthy individuals. As does modeling for them that we are complete humans taking care of our own emotional needs. This is how our children learn healthy boundaries and to have appropriate and reasonable expectations of relationships. It’s not about showing our kids that we are perfect, but about teaching them how adults take care of themselves.
See Also: Can a Mother Get Her Feelings Hurt?