We focus a great deal on disciplining our children and discussing different disciplinary philosophies and techniques that we can use as parents. But, parents need discipline too…
When I talk about self-discipline for parents, I am not talking about punishment–I am talking about learning to regulate our behaviors. I am talking about learning and fostering patience; learning how to experiment and take on new behaviors (while letting go of ones that no longer work for us); I am talking about being respectful, responsible and not shying away from doing what needs to be done.
All of this may seem pretty obvious, but when I examine my own life as a parent and as an adult, I can see there is plenty of room for work and improvement here. And, I am not talking about striving for perfection, but just working toward improvement and progress. To a certain extent, the type of discipline that parents need involves being where you are supposed to be when you are supposed to be there–showing up and doing what needs to be done, regardless of whether you want to or whether you feel complete and utter confidence in your decision or your parenting skills.
The other day, I was explaining to my eldest daughter that being an adult and being responsible is definitely NOT always easy. She expected that as she matures, she will just “know and feel” the right thing to do. I tried to explain to her that as a disciplined adult, we can still do what we need to do–even if we are feeling scared, insecure, confused or troubled. I may not always be able to be 100% certain and 100% thrilled about what needs to be done, but I can be a grown up and do what is necessary. That is what discipline is really all about.
Also: Are You Asking Your Kids for Permission?