A parent’s time-out doesn’t have to be in response to unpleasant behavior (although I’ve been known to shut myself in my room until I could regain perspective!)–what I’m talking about here is some indulgence, a pat on the back, a chance to breathe deeply, smile at yourself in the mirror and regroup. It doesn’t have to be a full, luxurious weekend or even an entire day–but we can learn about giving ourselves the gift of stepping out of the fray and giving ourselves a break.
When we are giving our kids time-outs, we might tell them they are taking a break to gain control or get calm or some other explanation of why the child needs to leave the activity and spend a brief period away and with only themselves. I think we parents need to give ourselves a few of these every day too. The world is not going to fall apart if we step into the other room just to sit for five minutes and look out the window. Trust me on this one–as a long-established single mom of three, my days are pretty packed and I do not have someone to step in and cover for me so I can soak in a bubble bath, so I had to learn that no one was going to “give me a break,” I was going to have to train myself to take them!
We may think there is no room for us to take a brief respite in the middle of a frazzled day, but I promise you, there is. Some people like to have a set place where they go (just like some families have a designated chair, step, or area for a child’s time-outs)–a bathroom with a lock, a bedroom, a garage, the garden shed–it doesn’t really matter where, as long as you can create a few moment’s of space to hear your own heart beating, feel a few breaths moving in an out of your own body and maybe even scribble in a notebook or listen to one favorite song.
Feel free to use the term “time-out”–with really small children, they can actually get that concept if you use time-outs as part of your discipline arsenal in your home: “Mom is taking a five-minute time-out, I’ll be out when I’m finished.” You may need to set your kid up with an activity or carve out the space for your time-out when your child is napping (time you’d ordinarily spend bustling around doing more chores) or away or otherwise occupied.
Resolve to learn to give yourself time-outs in the coming year–little ones, often. While long, extended breaks are great, don’t save up for one. You’ll be amazed at the peace and regeneration you can achieve in regular five minute time-outs. If it works for your kids, why wouldn’t it work for parents too?