Why do we, as parents, sometimes say dumb things? Today, I had to laugh at myself when I realized that I tell Tyler about 20 times a day, “That’s the last time I’m going to tell you to ..” or some variation of this phrase. Of course, when I tell him the first time, it inevitably does not end up being the last time.
He was fooling around by nephew’s truck today and I told him to stop. He stopped but returned about 2 seconds later. So of course I told him that this was the last time I was going to tell him to stop playing by the truck (he was throwing a ball at it). He slinks away. Two minutes later, he returns.
“ Little Boy (my signal to him that I am getting really mad now) this is the absolute last time I’m going to tell you to stop throwing that ball at Al’s truck!”
Slink, slink.
Three minutes later, he’s back again and I repeat myself once again. Did he not hear me the first few times I told him to stop? Of course he heard me but I have taught him that when I tell him it’s the last time, it means nothing. He also knows that in most cases I don’t follow up with a punishment. Therefore, he continues what he was doing because he knows there are no consequences. What I have to learn to do is not make what amounts to empty threats.
I remember this one time my mother said something that left me scratching my head.
“I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
Hummmm… is that really possible? I laughed and kept right on doing whatever it was I was doing because I knew it wasn’t possible to actually knock a person clean into the middle of the following week. But I guess she figured I would be so terrified at the prospect of time travel that I would immediately stop misbehaving. Problem was since I knew her threat was impossible the misbehavior didn’t stop.
Same thing with Tyler. He knows when I tell him “this is the last time”, it won’t actually be the last time so he continues. But now that I have realized the absurdity of this phrase I will work on not repeating it again, unless I really mean it.
See also:
Setting Limits Without Causing Resentment
Are You Modeling Appropriate Behavior?
Offering Guidance, Not Criticism