In the last Blog of this series, I wrote about some of the issues adoptive parents face when an older child is placed. I also touched on my own personal feelings about children’s need to have an at home parent. It has been three years since our children were placed with us for adoption and it has been during the normal routine parts of life where we have experienced the majority of positive interactions with our children.
Being at home when the children were not attending school has given our family a chance to build a history together. The fact that our history started a little late, means we have had to catch up and it has meant that our days are usually very intense and interesting. It just takes time to get to know each other, and it requires time for traditions and routines to be established. Being home gives me opportunity to initiate positive interactions with my children.
Some of the best advice I have been given is to Look for ways to create new memories, and times to interact in a positive way with our children. From the time, they are placed look for moments:
- To show affection with hugs, kisses and physical closeness.
- Read with the children often.
- Share the Family Book and Lifebook with your child.
- Play games together.
- Become the group leader for your child’s outside activity or provide transportation.
- Shop together both for the child’s specific needs and for gifts, household items and pet supplies.
- Teach your child the basic skills, from building block houses to crafts and cooking or baking projects.
- Help your child with their homework and show an interest in how well they are doing. Remember to offer praise for any improvement and teach with love and patience.
- Help the child learn about your family vocabulary and sayings or jokes.
- Narrate family traditions as they happen, and put together a family scrap book as the seasons pass.
- Say, “I love you.” to your child, spouse and other family members often everyday. Try to always give at least three positive statements for every correction you have to make during the day. Even if you really have to struggle for something.
The next Blog will talk about building family traditions.
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For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.