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Maybe I should stop expecting television to accurately portray life or romance, but I can’t help it. Media has a subtle yet powerful influence on our thinking, especially on younger folks, that just makes me want to address the issues it raises.
Fox’s trendy new sitcom “New Girl,” starring Zooey Deschanel, just wrapped up its freshman season. In the last few episodes Deschanel’s character Jess breaks up with her boyfriend after having dinner with him and his ex-wife (something that was a bad idea in the first place). At the dinner she observed the formerly-married couple at each other’s throats, and while the tension was certainly hostile, there was another layer to it that Jess wanted: passion. She didn’t feel that with her boyfriend so she broke up with him.
Later, she asks her best friend if maybe she did the wrong thing, if she’s pursuing an unrealistic form of romance. “Yes!” I shout at the screen while the friend replies “No, honey,” (cue me yelling some more).
Now, I really don’t care who Jess dates on the show, that’s not why I watch it. And if she had other reasons for breaking up with her boyfriend – he’s much older, old enough to have a pubescent daughter in the middle school class Jess teaches, her feelings for him weren’t developing into anything more – I wouldn’t mind. If the show even tried to imply that she broke up with him for the wrong reasons, I would be fine.
However, I felt like we were being told that no, unless you have passion in your relationship it’s not headed anywhere, and for some reason “New Girl” thinks passion equals screaming matches. Right after breaking up with her boyfriend Jess gets into a heated and loud argument with one of her roommates, the character I think the show eventually wants her to end up with.
I just don’t understand why people think passion equals romance. Maybe it’s a type of romance, or a facet, but it’s certainly not a basis for marriage. It’s just too exhausting. Besides, unless you’re some kind of adventurer how many more moments are you going to be having in your life: the quiet ones or the dramatic? I want someone I can trust in those steady moments. I’m not saying there shouldn’t be some kind of spark, but I interpret that more as friendship: someone I can have fun with, someone I want to be around, rather than someone who makes me angry and want to fight.
I must admit that I think “New Girl” might be playing the long game, that Jess has some growing up to do before she’s ready for a lasting relationship. I’m just not sure that was made clear enough, and I’m worried that too many people might think, or already think, that the screaming kind of passion is the ideal. I suppose if you want a bunch of short, intense affairs it works, but that sort of passion does not a marriage make.
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*(The above image by chrisroll is from freedigitalphotos.net).