The more stressed we single parents get, the harder it can be to “keep our cool” with our kids (or even with friends and coworkers). I find that when I remember to foster some empathy, it just naturally helps me to be more patient. Remembering that we all are in the same boat and putting myself in my kids’ shoes, helps me to find more patience in my parenting and other personal interactions.
Patience can be tough to muster! Just last night, I was preparing to settle in after a long day—work with one job, before working on another, and then spending a few hours preparing a big proposal for a possible prospect. After all of that work, I still had to go to the bank and stop by the store. I opted for the small, quick market and just the absolute basics of milk and bread instead of trying to maneuver the large supermarket. When I got back home, I figured we would just have the leftover casserole from the previous night for dinner so I wouldn’t have to cook. Alas, one of my daughters had invited a friend to supper and there just wouldn’t be enough of just the leftovers. I was NOT in the mood to cook a dinner from scratch! I started to get tense and crabby and suggested to my daughter that SHE make supper—she looked at me earnestly and said “But, mom, it always tastes better when you make it anyway.”
Now, perhaps it was classic teenage manipulation, but it did cause me to put myself in her shoes, standing there with a friend she’d invited to supper and hoping for a reasonably delicious meal. I got her started mixing up the biscuits and we soon had a simple, but abundant meal complete with a big crunchy salad. Was I still tired and would I have rather not had to cook a meal last night? Sure! But I was able to find some empathy and patience with both the situation and my kids.
The fact is, no one ever promised me that single parenting was going to be easy. AND, no one ever promised that things were always going to go my way, or go according to plan. Getting out of my own head, experiencing some empathy, and seeing things from other people’s perspective (mainly, my kids’)—helps me to find the patience I often need.
Also: Balancing Seasonal Temperaments
Are You Putting Pressure on Yourself with Deadlines and Expectations?