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Perfect Parents are Not Required.
“What?” You ask yourself.
And you might think, “Of course, people who think they can legally parent a child they did not biologically create better be as close to perfect as can be found! Why would anyone ever imply that perfection is Not required when it comes to being given the gift of parenting a child born to another mother?”
Who decides what a perfect parent is?
With domestic infant adoption many times the pregnant woman or new mother picks the parents she would like to place her baby with. The expectant mother, may or may not wish to have some level of openness in the future. She might like the way potential adoptive parents look, or the job they do, or the house they live in, or the fact they like cats and plan to raise the baby in the same religion or not. In this case, a perfect parent is her choice. She can have confidence all the big issues have been checked out by the agency. She can read the web sites, dear birth mother letters and might even meet with potential adoptive parents before and after she has decided–who she thinks the perfect parents are.
With international adoption many families are judged by a foreign government who has decided how to figure out who the perfect parents will be. They have a set of rules they have established in order to make it a little easier to identify those potential adoptive parents who might be perfect. Every country has their own system, methods and criteria. One or more people in charge decide who the perfect parents will be.
I am a very open person and have written about many of the real things that have happened to me during my life. I am up front and admit I am a survivor of domestic violence. I was married and had two beautiful biological children. I was divorced. I was pushing 40. I was in my second marriage. I had to have baggage–and I do. Just like most of the other humans walking the face of the earth. There are things about my life I am not proud of and there are moments in my life which were turning points. It is not hard to see that I have not always been and I am not the perfect parent.
I have been asked, “How did I keep the bad things in my life a secret from the state?“ Or, “Didn’t the state think you might have problems? I mean, they might not think you are perfect if they know all this about you?”
It may not be very clear to everyone. There may not be any way to put in words how a nearly 40 year old woman who has experienced all the things I have–the things I was not proud of and those turning point moments–would be a perfect parent?
The truth is what more could a little girl need other than a mother who can see that ‘look in the eyes’ of a child who has been abused? Who better to notice her need to be hurt than someone who understand how great the, “I am sorry” love is. Why would a woman who had not faced abuse in her own life be a more perfect mother for a little girl who had?
Perfect parents are relative to who defines it. There are over 120,000 children in Foster Care Waiting for any parents to adopt them. These children are not cuddly and sweet and some of them are down right messed up and mean. These kinds of things happen when you live on the streets with your mother for 3 or 4 years. Or go to bed hungry every night. Or are sexually abused by someone because no one kept you safe. The perfect parent for them could be just an ordinary person with a lot of love to share, or even someone who knows what it feels like to be abused.
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The children waiting, do not need perfect parents they need real people to call mom and dad and to feel unconditional love before it is too late and they become the parents of the future. If you think you can be a parent then adopting a foster child may be right for you.
photo credits: 
(couple photographer notified, no restrictions for little girl photo)
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms:
A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.