As a new mom, you may be looking forward to joining an organized group of other moms. After all, who else will listen to you discuss the consistency of your baby’s poop or be willing to give you support when you are having problems with breast feeding. But new mom beware. Play groups and mom groups can come with a lot of mama drama, from back biting to cliques.
When you join a group, be clear to yourself why you are there. Is it to provide some socialization for your child? Is it to get out of the house? Is it to form new friendships? Is it to network and share resources? When you know exactly what kind of experience you want out of the group, it will be clear to you how to pursue that interest and when the club just isn’t working for you and your baby.
Some of the things that can cause mama drama in a play group are the following:
Feelings of jealousy. Sometimes moms who seem to have it all can be targets of backbiting. One well-off stay at home mom I know was in tears because someone started a rumor that she hired a full-time nanny so she could go out and shop all day, thus neglecting her kids. In reality, she hired the nanny so she could take care of an aging parent. Of course, in my opinion, as long as her kids were being cared for by someone responsible, it shouldn’t have been anyone’s concern what the mom was doing.
A misbehaving child. If one child hits or bites another, that child (and the mom) can often be blacklisted. Usually this happens if the mom seen to not be disciplining the child or complains that someone else provoked her child into the bad behavior. Play dates mysteriously never reach the mom or are cancelled when she RSVPs. Moms are notorious for being protective, which is not really a bad thing. I know that for better or worse, I don’t want my child around a child that might bite. But on the other side of the coin, babies and toddlers can be challenging and go through phases. Most moms understand this, especially if they see the mom is making an effort to correct the behavior.
Outside issues. Being a mom is tough work. And we face so many issues such finding appropriate child care, the glass ceiling in our careers, flexible work schedules, problems with relatives, etc. Sometimes when we feel powerless in other areas of life, we turn on each other. We are desperate to be valued or get ahead, and that sometimes means that we put one another down, or pit people against each other in an effort to gain support.
There are other issues that can cause play group mama drama, as well as some ground rules that can prevent a lot of it. Do you want to learn more about this topic? Please leave me a comment and let me know.
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