We are blessed to live in a townhouse complex where my daughter can play with a large number of different children of ages, especially in the summer when the children play outside in our big, open area. When she was only two, the bigger children were dragging her outside, begging her to be the baby in their games. They’d maneuver her around like a doll, and I’d monitor things carefully to make sure that she wasn’t being hurt.
As my daughter became a preschooler, she became more able to integrate herself into their games. At first, she would run around madly when they were running and playing, not quite fitting herself into their games but almost getting there. She didn’t really understand the games like “What Time Is It Mister Wolf?” but she played anyway, and it was endearing to the older children.
As the older children have become tweens, things have started to shift. While younger children tend to be very interested in toddlers and preschoolers, tweens are developing other social standards, and preschoolers in their blundering and endearing kind of play don’t quite fit in. However, a four-year-old can tell when she’s being excluded, even though she doesn’t understand why. My daughter has tried to fit in, only to be told that she’s not going to be part of the game. She’s a little kid.
It’s tough to see her process this. Social exclusion is a part of life, yet it is a hard lesson to learn. Gradually, I’m trying to equip her with coping skills. She’s asking other children her age to play with her instead, and she’s also learning how to make it clear to the older children that she’d love to play and that she misses them. However, she’s still struggling to accept the “no” that comes because she is smaller and less socially adept, and she’s still learning that at some point, she needs to be able to move away from those who don’t want to include her and to be satisfied playing with someone else.
How do you equip your child to deal with social exclusion?