Sometimes the worst thing you can possibly say to someone is “I know exactly what you mean” and then launch into the reason that you know exactly what they mean. It’s never the same and when you are a single mother and your married friends say they know how it feels because their husband works too much or isn’t involved enough with the kids, it seems to negate what you go through on a regular basis.
So many times I’ve been talking with a married friend and I’m frustrated at having to do this alone so I need to vent and I tell her about something that happened, like say Hailey ran a really high fever all night and I was worried and didn’t have anyone to lean on. The very next thing out of her mouth is how the last time her child was up all night vomiting and her husband slept right through it, she might as well be single for all the help she gets.
If you do that you are totally missing the point. It’s not the help that we are missing in the middle of the night, it’s knowing that someone else is there to help if we need it. You can always wake a sleeping husband up if you think your child needs to go to the emergency room, a single mom has to make the decision and pace the floor alone. And then to tell us that you are the one who always has to take time off work to take care of sick kids is just rude. Taking time off work is a luxury single moms can’t afford. Not only do I have a sick child but I have to decide if she is sick enough that I miss work, and the pay that goes along with it, or will she be ok?
Yes you may do the bulk of child care but you have help if you need it. Not only that, someone else is helping you pay for everything from diapers to daycare to college. We are figuring this out alone, and usually berating ourselves because we fall short.
Please don’t tell a single mother that you know how she feels because your husband doesn’t help. You don’t know how she feels, and hopefully, you never will.