It seems that what we notice when we are out and about it things we don’t like or we don’t approve of. It is easy to take notice of a child who is misbehaving or someone who is rude in line at the grocery store. By pointing these out and giving attention to poor social behaviors, we might be hoping to show our kids how we hope they do NOT behave, but we might have more success by pointing out behaviors that we do approve of and that do seem appropriate…
Not only is it just more positive to point out kind, generous, considerate, and good behaviors—but it also gives you the opportunity to share really specific examples of desirable behavior with your child. The trick is to point out and praise those behaviors without making it like you are comparing or looking down on your child. “I really liked the way that little boy sat quietly reading his books in the waiting room” is a better choice than “Why can’t you be nice and quiet like that little boy?” You and your child should feel warm and encouraged—not shamed and embarrassed at witnessing pleasant behaviors in others.
Additionally, make sure you are focusing on behaviors and social skills—not how people look. Focusing on appearances and how people do their hair or what clothes they wear can encourage and influence a child to be shallow and externally focused, whereas, using other people’s good behavior and strong social skills as a guide can help a child see good things in action and have a literal experience of what is considered desirable and appreciated behavior. Using your own manners in public and letting people know that you appreciate their courtesies, teaches your child volumes about how to be a kind, considerate and generous citizen.
Also: Help Kids See How Far They’ve Come
Can You Help Your Child Get a Conscience?
If We Want Our Children to Have Character Traits–We Need to Have Them First