When kids turn to violence, often the parents are blamed. The recent violence in Virginia has many people pointing fingers. A recent poll by the Family Education Network shows that 32% of respondents blame “poor parenting and problems at home”, as the factor most responsible for school shootings.
Other reasons were:
15% cited mental illness or copycatting
18% felt easy access to guns and/or violent media images was to blame
20% said that God is missing from the classroom
15% blamed trouble with teachers and classmates
Being a parent is hard and it’s sad that some people blame the parent if an offspring goes postal. Now I’m not saying that some parents don’t deserve to be blamed but I would venture that in the majority of cases the parents of violent youth are good parents and don’t deserve to have the blame placed in their laps. With everything we have to contend with, do we need this added pressure?
Are there signs a parent can look for that would predict whether their child will become violent? According to Ken Trump of the National School Safety and Security Services, there are. He points out that many stressors might push a child over the brink including domestic violence at home and alcohol and drugs abuse. Warning signs that a problem might exist include:
A child who becomes detached from others
A child who exhibits a feeling of hopelessness
Threats of violence
Noticeable changes in behavior and appearance
Sudden disciplinary problems in school
A child who becomes involved in criminal activity at school or in the community
A child who suddenly becomes preoccupied with weapons, bombs and violent music or movies
Abusing animals
Threats of suicide threats or suicide attempts
Self-mutilation
Violent writing is another warning sign. However, not in all cases. Unfortunately, some kids who write about things like blowing up a school, as was the case of a 16-year-old Canadian teen that ended up in a juvenile detention center, are unjustly accused of being a potential threat. “Better to be safe than sorry” is becoming the motto for some authorities. Even psychiatrist don’t agree if violent writings lead to violent acts.
So what can parents do? Talk to our kids about the rising violence in schools and listen to what they have to say. Most importantly, keep the lines of communication open by letting your kids know that they can always talk to you about anything.
See also:
What Can We Do About the Surge in School Killings?
Signs of a Dangerous or Distressed Child