Hand in glove with the overbearing opinion is the person who is always right. Overbearing-opinion abusers have an idea or opinion about everything. People who are always right do not make the same volume of pronouncements, but when they do, they always position themselves in the right and everyone else in the wrong. They will sift through events and information for proof of their rightness, bombarding anyone who questions them with a list of reasons why they are correct in their thinking. There is no room for a second opinion.
Neutral in circumstances in which they have no interest, these abusers are tenacious whenever they feel compelled to render a decision. What is right is not the important thing so much as the fact of their rightness. Even when normal people would admit an error, abusers who are always right will find a way to justify their decision. If it cannot be justified by the circumstance, they will often manufacture a plausible reason. In other words, even if the event turned out wrong, they were still right.
Unlike the overbearing-opinion abuser, the person who is always right allows other people to have differing opinions. If the other person is shown to be right, that is often met with a studied indifference – as if it wasn’t that big a deal in the first place. However, if the other person is wrong, the failure is pointed out strongly and loudly.
Living with a person who is always right produces frustration and anger. Events are constantly being turned around in his or her favor. You begin to think there is no justice in the world, since your abuser never has to admit his or her error. More important, you may also begin to believe that your abuser has been aright all along. Like living with an overbearing-opinion abuser, you begin to second-guess your ability to make decisions, for they never seem to be the right ones. Or you make decisions that are obviously the wrong ones because you figure you are going to be wrong no matter what you do. In order to declare your own independence, you will intentionally choose an action you know is wrong.
Realistically, no one is always right or always wrong. All of us are plenty of both. In healthy relationships, forgiveness is extended when someone is wrong and graciousness is shown when someone is right.
The above is excerpted from chapter 4 in Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse by Dr. Gregory Jantz.