Post adoption depression, seems like a paradox considering how much effort has gone into the paperwork, home study, waiting, expenses, and stress. After all, wouldn’t the moment of finally holding your baby, or tucking your toddler or child in for bed at night, be one of the most fantastic moments in adoptive parent’s lives? For many new adoptive parents it is, but for some it’s not. Instead, some new adoptive parents experience post adoption depression.
The severity of post adoption depression may vary and adoptive parents should seek help if five or more of the symptoms below occur during a two-week period.
- Feelings of depressed mood,
- Irritability,
- Diminished interest in most activities,
- Significant weight loss or gain,
- Insomnia, or sleeping too much,
- Feeling worthless or excessively guilty,
- Difficulty concentrating,
- Suicidal thoughts,
- And, inabilities to feel as if Adoptive Parents are bonding with their new baby or child.
I would rather call this “Post New Parenting Depression” because with any major life change, there are natural “let-downs.” It’s just not possible to sustain the emotional rush of the family changes indefinitely. Often when the adopted baby or child is safely home adoptive parents feel a variety of losses they were not even aware were an issue.
Some feelings of loss might include:
- Giving up or putting a career on hold,
- Juggling family needs,
- Adjusting priorities in the marriage,
- And, Unresolved feelings of infertility.
The reality of life after the adopted baby or child is placed may be much different than parents imagined, especially when parents adopt an older child or special needs child. These feelings may catch parents by surprise, especially when it can’t be explained by hormones, as it can be with postpartum depression.
Post Adoption–or Post New Parenting Depression, occurs far more often than adoption professionals and our families and friends might realize. Parents are often hesitant to talk about it, thinking it will jeopardize the placement. Post adoption depression may be incapacitating depression that requires treatment, or simply “the blues”, but it is a very real phenomenon.
Adoptive parents need to be prepared for the possibility of Post Adoption Depression and might be able to avoid the pitfalls if they, don’t develop preconceived notions about the initial adjustment period with their new child. Parents need to monitor their symptoms of depression and get counseling or medical treatment if the symptoms persist and seriously affect daily life. Talking to the social worker about any concerns prior to placement, and during post-placement, can help calm adoptive parents’ fears.
It’s important to keep in mind the first several months are a transitional time for everyone in the family, not just the child. Bonding with a new baby or child requires time and it is very normal to feel overwhelmed with fatigue, sickness, stress, and the new challenges of parenthood.
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For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.