More than eight years ago, my family was at a San Diego Padres game, and my son had soiled his diaper. I took him by the hand and we walked up the stairs of the stadium toward the closest restroom. Inside, I lifted his heavy body onto the courtesy changing table. His feet dangled off the edge.
“Isn’t your kid a bit old?”
Women entering the bathroom eyed me with a bit of scorn. They seemed to say, “Isn’t your kid a bit old for diapers?” Especially since there is no characteristic “look” that distinguishes an autistic child, Kyle appeared to be a normal four-and-a-half-year-old.
That’s when it occurred to me that my son needed to be potty trained as soon as possible. I had become accustomed to changing him at home, excusing his lack of independence due to his disability. But I had missed the reality of the situation. Kyle had the capacity to be toilet trained, but I didn’t know how to teach him with his specific disability. I was allowing him to stay in diapers due to my fear of addressing the issue.
“How do I potty train this child?”
I met with the research team at the University of California San Diego’s Autism Lab. “How do I potty train this child?” I asked. Here is the technique I learned, which, when done properly, should help toilet train most special needs children by the age of five: (I want to note here that some children may not be ready until well after the age of five, late childhood, or beyond. Our children are individuals and their disabilities vary. Do not feel ashamed if your child isn’t ready yet.)
Preparations
You will need:
- At least a couple of these readiness signs: The ability to follow simple instructions, dislike of wearing soiled diapers, regular bowel movements, or being able to stay dry for at least two hours. (My son had the first sign and the last two, but did not seem to care about soiled pants.)
- 5 (or more) pairs of sweat pants for your child that can be pulled up and down easily, without snaps, buttons or zippers. Buy the kind that are absorbent, yet will allow your child to feel wetness. These will save you from huge clean-ups.
- Lots of pairs of underwear (not the pull-up diapers).
- A child-size potty chair, or a stepping stool to the toilet.
- A motivator/reward, such as favorite candy, toy, or book.
- Three days where you can devote a good amount of your time and focus. (Important.)
The Procedure
- Dress your child in her new underpants and sweats, explaining that she’s a big girl now. Let her freely drink her favorite beverage. Allow her to go about her daily activities, but watch her carefully.
- When she wets herself, say “Oh Dear! Potty goes in the potty chair!” (Or something similar.) Place her hand on the wet spot of her pants while you say this. Then take her by the hand and walk to the bathroom.
- When you arrive at the toilet, you will guide her through the following routine, breaking it into five steps: Pull down pants, sit on the potty, wipe clean, pull up pants, wash hands. (Say those short phrases as you help her do each step.)
- Once her hands are washed, you will lead her back to the exact spot she was standing or sitting when she had her accident. Start over as though the accident just happened. Place her hand, again, on her wet pants. “Oh Dear! Potty goes in the potty chair!” Then you will walk her back to the toilet and go through the five steps again. Repeat this entire procedure five times. (Yes, five.) Your child may cry or resist, but be calm, pleasant, and firm. After the fifth time, change her clothes and let her play.
- About once every hour or two, ask, “Do you need to use the potty?” Even if she says no, best to take her there. Sit your child on the potty chair for ten minutes. If she has success, give the motivator…candy, a favorite book, etc. Cheer and make a big deal out of it. If nothing happens, say, “Okay, we’ll try again later.”
- Anytime an accident occurs, follow steps 2, 3, and 4.
As you can tell, this is going to take some effort on your part. But if you will give it a few days of focus, you can potty train your child. It’s well worth it—to have your son or daughter free of diapers. With some adaptation, children with all kinds of disabilities can learn to use the toilet with this method. Kyle was completely potty trained, for life, in three days, and never had an accident again.
The method I’ve just described was outlined in a book by Dr. Charles E. Shaefer, “Potty Training Without Tears.”
Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here.