We know as parents that praise and encouragement are important. In fact, most of us have learned the lessons of building our child’s self-esteem through those positive, encouraging words. What might be a bit confusing, however, is how WHAT we praise can really make a difference in how our children benefit from those words of praise.
Praising effort is more encouraging for a child than to praise the outcome. When you encourage a child for working hard, trying, and being persistent—you are encouraging them in the process and not focusing on whether they win, lose, or what the outcome is. In addition to this, it is also important to praise kids for the things they can control—not those things they cannot.
For example, if you praise a child for looking pretty—is that really something that they can do anything about? The same goes for praising a child for “being smart.” It is quite different to acknowledge that a child has worked hard to study or has done a great job on a complicated project. But, if it comes easily for a child to do well on tests, putting too much focus on praising that outcome can send the wrong message. A child knows when he is working at something and when it is something that just “happens” and praising him for things that just happen or that are naturally inherent to his personality will not be as beneficial as encouraging other things.
Children definitely need all the encouragement, support and praise they can get and as parents, we have a great deal of power to praise them and help them build their confidence and self-esteem—but we can also use praise to stress the importance of working hard and taking control for those parts of our lives we can influence.
See Also: The Wrong Way to Praise a Child
Let Child Overhear Praise, Not Criticism