Yesterday I found out that one of my two midwives left the practice. Yesterday also happened to mark a calendar month before my due date. As you might guess, in my hormonal state (and given that I’m also just kind of a worrier anyway), I found this all upsetting.
Now that there’s only one midwife, there’s a chance I might have a regular obstetrician deliver my baby, if my midwife isn’t on call when I go into labor. Not only that, it will be one I won’t know, because all of my prenatal appointments have been with my midwives. It’s not that I don’t trust OB’s, but I want as few interventions as possible, and I knew and trusted that the midwives are committed to that. Given that I probably won’t have the opportunity to meet with any of my practice’s OB’s before delivery, I don’t know what their opinions are on these matters.
It’s not going to be easy for me to not worry about this, especially not until my next appointment with my midwife, where I can learn more. I’m getting close enough to my due date that I’m often thinking about the labor/delivery process, and it’s been hard enough not to worry about everything going well without a late hour change in plans.
Thank goodness for my doula Stacy. She’s worked with most of the doctors at my practice before, and has good things to say about them. I know she’ll be there with me no matter what, and so will my husband. With their support, we’ll be able to stick to our guns about what we want from the delivery. I’m also grateful for a wonderful piece of advice I received from a friend when I first got the midwife news: “Who cares?” she said. “By the time you get there, you’re just going to be so desperate to get the baby out, it won’t matter.”
At first, her flippancy annoyed me. Having a medical intervention that isn’t necessary, being restricted from doing things someone ought to be able to do — move around the ward, not have constant fetal monitoring unless absolutely necessary — can lead to negative birth experiences. But the more I thought about it, the more I appreciated my friend’s advice.
Maybe this will lead to me not having exactly the birth experience I want. But there’s also a good chance that it won’t. Even if it does, that could happen anyway, even if nothing had changed and I was still guaranteed a midwife at my birth.
It served as an important reminder: you can’t control everything about your pregnancy. Things are going to go “wrong,” or at least not according to plan, and you just have to roll with that. It’s especially important advice for us first time parents, because raising a child is the same way. We might as well get used to that feeling now, and let taking things as they come become second nature.
*(The above image by Stuart Miles is from freedigitalphotos.net).