There’s a line I love in “Love Comes Softly,” a Hallmark movie starring Katherine Heigl, about a widow who must live with a recently widowed young man and his daughter. In this particular scene she’s explaining to young Missie how she became pregnant with her late husband. She says, “My husband Aaron loved me so much that it spilled over and made a baby.” Missie says, “What spilled over?” “It,” Marty replies. Missie asks, “What is it?” Marty says, “The love.” It’s a cute way to explain pregnancy to a child, and yet it’s funny how dangerously close to the truth her answer is.
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re pregnant. If you’re pregnant, chances are your thoughts and your time have been consumed with all things “baby” lately, but let’s stop thinking about the baby for a few minutes and remember how you got pregnant in the first place. You were in love. Your love “spilled over” so to speak. Some of us find ourselves in marriages where the romance continues, but not every couple continues at the same pace as they did pre-pregnancy. With all the commotion that comes with preparing for a new addition, it’s easy to let romance fall by the wayside, but it doesn’t have to be that way. There’s no more appropriate time to revamp your marriage than during those eight or nine months before the baby arrives. After all, once that baby does arrive, it will be several more months before you have consistent time to spend alone again.
Change your dating style to accommodate the pregnancy, but by all means, continue to date. Take time out of your busy schedules and spend time together doing the things you love, whether that means dinner and a movie or karaoke and mini golf. Make it a point to put the pregnancy talk to rest for one night. If at all possible, try to forget you are pregnant for one night. Believe me, I know how difficult that can be when you have a heavy, giant reminder hanging on the front of your torso, but it will be worth the effort.
If your doctor has ordered “pelvic rest,” don’t feel like that means you have to stop showing affection. In fact, make an even larger effort to show each other how much you love one another. Promise to kiss each other when you wake up and before you go to sleep. If you forget, make up for it the next day with double smooches. Sounds so simple and a little silly, but it forces you to make a little eye contact for at least a few seconds, and there’s nothing like a little lip contact to remind you of that spark.
Pregnancy can cause some serious mood swings, so plan your time together for the times when you feel the best. The last thing you want to do is end up in an argument because you were in a bad mood to begin with. Funky moods are an inevitable reality for many pregnant women, but they’re not an excuse to flip out. Instead of dwelling on it, accept it and live around it. Repeat after me, “will this matter in five years?” If the answer is “no,” move on.
If you are able, take a “babymoon.” A babymoon is just a mini-vacation, like a honeymoon, that gives you an opportunity to enjoy each other before the baby arrives. If you live in the midwest, for example, you might visit Door County in Wisconsin for the weekend. It’s beautiful and full of amazing bed-and-breakfast’s that will have you relaxed and ready for romance in no time. No matter where you live, there’s probably a perfect spot to escape within a half-day’s drive. If you’re not sure where to go, ask friends where they love to visit. Visiting a new location can add to the fun.
Above all else, be patience and gracious with each other. Pregnancy can be stressful for both you and your husband. Supporting each other and showing a little mercy once in a while is essential.