One of the most exciting things in adoption is waiting for a referral. Depending on the type of adoption you are doing, your referral may come quickly or it may take a year or more. During the wait, you will likely spend a lot of time daydreaming about what your child will look like, what their personality will be and what it will be like to have them in your home.
While all of this dreaming is a lot of fun and a natural part of the process, it is also important that you take a careful look at yourself and your family and begin to make decisions about the type of child that will best fit your family. You want to be prepared so that when that referral does come, you are able to make a decision that is based on more than just emotion.
There are many things to consider, but here are the most important:
Age Range
It is important to think about the age range that you think will fit best with your family. Some people feel most comfortable adopting a younger child while others feel that an older child would be a better fit. Whatever range you think would be best, I suggest you broaden it by a few years, though. There are many stories of families who thought that they needed to adopt an infant, but when receiving the referral of a two-year-old realized that the child was a perfect match. It is good to know what you want and to think about what is best for your family, but also allow yourself some flexibility incase a surprise comes your way.
Family History
Some people are concerned about the family history of the child they are adopting. You probably want to decide how you feel about mental illness or disabilities on the part of one or both of the birth parents. Many kids with these issues in their family history do very well, but it is also important for you to be aware of any issues that could arise to make sure that you are prepared and able to meet your child’s needs.
Special Needs
You all know by now that I am a huge advocate for special needs adoption. I hope that as you make decisions about a referral that you will consider special needs adoption. However, I also believe that it is important for a family to know their limits. Consider carefully the potential special needs that you might be approached about (often your agency will give you a checklist to help you in this process). Even though I encourage you to be open to special needs, it is also important that you be honest about how a special needs child will fit into your family.
Other Issues
It is also a good idea to ask questions about the child’s current living situation (orphanage, foster home, etc.), why the child is in care, the number of moves they have had and the child’s personality. These are especially important questions if you are adopting a toddler or older child, but it doesn’t hurt to ask them for any age child.