I’ve never wanted to scare my kids. I don’t want them to be immobilized by fear or distrustful of everyone they meet. But, I wanted them to know how to keep themselves safe–as if my diligent preparation could keep them out of harm’s way and protected from the harsh random reality that comes from living in this world of humans. They are teenagers now and typical invincibility has replaced the caution hammered into them by a variety of stranger safety, earthquake drills, and safe touch books when they were younger. I finally realized that I cannot keep them safe, I can only prepare them for living in an unsafe world.
A few months ago, a student in my kids’ school was walking through our typical college town streets after school and some older kids/people yelled at him from atop a parking garage. He hollered back and shared an obscene gesture. The people from the parking garage chased him down and stabbed him a few times in the back. This didn’t happen in a seedy, shady part of town. In fact it happened in a manicured courtyard between a large performing arts center and one of the fancier hotels in town. As if the daily reports in the paper weren’t enough, once again, I was reminded that at any moment, it could be my kid. It’s always someone’s child, after all.
We search for logic and reasons, when, in reality, things can be incredibly random and confusing. My kids are solidly part of the 9-11 generation. They can’t remember a life before terrorists, war, school shootings and street violence. Even if I can remember (although I must admit, my growing-up years were plagued by the end of the Vietnam war, the cold war and apartheid), my job as a parent is to enter the world they inhabit and do whatever I can to give them the tools to be able to live and thrive in their time and space.
It goes beyond safety tips and survival skills. I think in order to prepare kids today we have to help them feel hopeful and confident in an unsure and scary world. We want them to be able to protect themselves, yes, but I also want my kids to feel like they have the power to affect change and to not let themselves become either numb to some of the horrors of modern life, or immobilized by the fears of the darker side of human behavior.