For those of you who don’t know, my husband and I are about to bring home two children from two different continents. Our son is from Central America. He has medium brown skin, dark hair and dark eyes. Our daughter is from Africa. Her skin is a deeper brown and her eyes and hair are also dark. My husband, Scott, and I, on the other hand, are distinctly Caucasian. We both have light brown hair, light eyes and pale skin. Obviously, we aren’t exactly going to match our children when they come home.
To Scott and I race doesn’t matter that much. We think our children are beautiful and we already feel like their parents. However, we have been well aware of the importance of preparing ourselves to parent children of a different race. It is important not to enter the world of transracial adoption blindly. It would be easy to say “love is all that matters”, but that simply is not true. Studies have shown that it is harmful for adoptive parents attempt to ignore racial differences between themselves and their children. In these families, race is the proverbial “elephant in the room” – always there, but never discussed.
Instead, it is important that adoptive parents acknowledge that race is indeed an issue in our society and then help their children to learn how to handle these issues. Here are a few important things to remember when preparing to parent a child of a different race:
Acknowledge Race
When it comes to talking about race within your family, I don’t mean that you need to talk about it all the time. Instead, you want your children to know that it is okay to discuss it when they want to. Children are very perceptive and if they pick up that you are uncomfortable or unwilling to discuss this topic, they will never share their feelings and thoughts with their parents.
Become Multiracial/Multicultural
It is also important to celebrate the culture and heritage of your child. Learn about their nation’s history and values. Begin to incorporate holidays or traditions that reflect your child’s background. Decorate your home with pictures and items that show the racial and cultural diversity of your home.
Provide Role Models
One of the things that I have had to realize is that I can’t teach my children everything there is to know about being a member of a minority race. As much as I try to understand, I will never know what it is like to be anything but Caucasian. While I will always do my best to help my children with these issues, I have learned that it is also important to help my children develop relationships with positive role models who share their racial heritage. One of the best ways to do this is by developing friendships with those of other races and cultures. Even while you are waiting for your child to come home, you can begin to develop these relationships and then continue to cultivate them after your adopted child has joined your family.