The joy of finding out your pregnant is overwhelming. Everyone is so happy and always asking you how you are feeling and treating you in a delightful fashion. You bask in the glow of motherhood to come thinking the blessings of parenting have already begun. Then you are asked the question. The question that shakes your reality and reminds you that other people mistakenly feel they have a stake in making one of the first decisions a parent should make; the name of the baby.
Opinions on names can make the naming process more confusing and exhausting. Naming a baby is not easy but it is the first act of being a parent. It is the right of the parents to name their child regardless how others feel. If only it were so simple. Tradition, ego, and family ties can often make the process difficult and frustrating. There is nothing wrong with naming your child after a beloved aunt, your dad, your mom or your best friend if you chose to do so. The pressure and resentment come when you feel strong armed or expected to name your baby after a member of the family. The family may not feel they are applying pressure. They may simply not understand why you want to break with tradition. Yet, the strain and expectation clouds judgment and words which end up hurting.
There are no easy answers. The first step is a discussion with your spouse. Does your spouse agree with naming a child after a relative? If so, would your spouse agree to a compromise such as using the name as a middle name? If not, then you both must stand firm together as an act to show your authority over your family and home. It is hard to break the news that your baby will be named something other than what is expected by a family member or members. However, it must be done respectfully and in love. Acknowledge the tradition and express your respect but ask they respect your desire to start your own tradition. The hurdle will be jumped and in the end hurt feelings will fade if you handle this in a respectful way. Do not say anything that will transcend your decision to simply not name a baby something. Stay strong and loving.