In order for privileges and consequences to have power and “punch” as parenting tools, they need to be connected to the real world–things that truly matter in the life of our child. Otherwise, we as parents have little authority and our children don’t take our discipline techniques seriously.
For example, if you take away television privileges from a child who seldom watches television–the discipline is really a joke. At the same token, offering as a reward or privilege a trip to the zoo for a child who is not “into” it does not have much inspiration behind it either. It is important for a child to think of each specific child and adapt privileges and consequences to “fit” instead of assuming that discipline is one size fits all.
With my children, removing phone privileges for one is incredibly affective; the other two just don’t care or use the phone enough for it to matter. At the same token, as children grow and change and mature, we parents need to adjust our privileges and consequences to fit too. Taking away the bicycle of a ten-year-old for a week might work well, but it might not be the consequence of choice when he is 3 or 4 years older. The most effective consequences and privileges are those that are the most logical. I have found as a parent that keeping my mind on what is best OVERALL for the child can be a good guide and trying not to grasp too much at privileges and consequences–common sense can be a marvelous guide for a parent trying to stay logical and grounded in his or her discipline techniques. If a child gets in trouble for misbehavior at school, it makes sense that he should have to make amends and might lose the privilege of attending a party or social event on the weekend. Real world consequences and privileges for “real world” behaviors and choices.
Also: Does Your Child Behave Better at Home or At School?
Parenting Mistake–Taking Things Personally