Yep, I’m stuck on goals today. I’ve been laughing as I sit here and write about what’s going on in my life. Recently, I called my mother-in-law on my cell phone as I drove my car to the shop to fix a problem with the car’s radio (way long story) and said, “You know, I may not know a lot about genealogy, but I’m convinced somewhere in lineage is an ancestor named Murphy.” She laughed and so did I. Now it’s a running joke in my family.
Most goal setting is related to determining what you want to get out of something. I.E. if you buy a lottery ticket, your goal is to win. Well, sure – what other reason would you buy a lottery ticket? I buy them for fun. I like the idea of gambling. Not large, big gambles that will cost me my month’s mortgage, but the little ones that are just fun to take the risk.
The problem with setting large goals that focus on where you are going, you keep your eye on the ball and miss what is happening right here and right now. Ever hear the statement ‘Stop and smell the roses.’ It’s important that we remember to do that. When we diet, we focus so hard on the weight we want to be and punishing ourselves for our mistakes that we miss the fun that we can have when we eat. We punish ourselves for liking to eat.
I got news for people, I like food and I like cooking. I enjoy the process of preparing a large meal and I enjoy sitting down to eat it and I enjoy the conversation that can accompany it. But if all I focus on is the fact that eating it will not help my diet and therefore I am impeding my progress and that down the road I am going to pay for this – where’s the joy in that?
The same is said for the exercise programs. Yep, we focus on our workouts because each one accumulates to better fitness, better health and in some cases a more ideal weight (our ideal, not some text book ideal.) But when we focus on the grind, we lose the grin. We punish ourselves for our progress and our lack thereof.
Unfortunately, it’s my nature to be focused on the goal and the end product. My husband told me once that I am intense when I am working towards something. As a freelancer, my work is feast or famine, but when I focused on the fact that I wanted to go on a vacation for the first time in years, I worked 16 to 19 hours a day to clear project after project. I was so focused on GETTING to my vacation; I had no idea what I was going to do ON the vacation.
Not too long ago, I recognized that I was back on the destination focus and shifted a bit. Instead of twitching because I wasn’t where I needed to be yet, I remembered what it was like to enjoy the little moments again. For example, working out gets me to by bigger goals, sure. But when I work out on my treadmill, I catch up on my soap operas, I watch the shows that I’ve Tivo’d programs. I enjoy the mental relaxation that provides me. In fact, I look forward to watching the show even more than I do working out.
Goals are a burden because we’re all trying to get to the destination. What do you think causes road rage and speeding tickets? Focusing on a goal requires you to focus on a fervent desire to just GET THERE that prevents people from even enjoying the drive, the quiet time in the car – a book on tape, the music or just some quality time with yourself. Personally, I like riding in my car because it’s the few minutes a day I get to myself. Usually when I am driving back after dropping my daughter off at her pre-school and when I am on my way to pick her up. I sort through my thoughts, I write in my head, I listen to music and I just enjoy it.
Focusing on our goals is a good thing, but don’t focus on them at the expense of your daily life. Don’t forget to enjoy the moments. I am terrible at gardening. I’ve never been able to make a plant grow. In fact, I have a black thumb. I’ve always wanted a rose garden and last year I planted some roses, read a lot of books and followed their instructions. Instead of flipping out and sweating whether the roses would actually grow or not, I just enjoyed the process.
Imagine my delight when the roses actually grew. It was wild and fun and delightful. I wasn’t wasting my time in the garden, so I kept up on it. I am not wasting my time on the treadmill, so I kept on it. I am not wasting my time in the car, so I don’t get agitated at the other drivers and I don’t speed and risk a ticket.
Set goals and understand where the destination is, then kick back and enjoy the ride. Enjoy the little moments and not just the big ones. Have a great rest of your day and we’ll see you tomorrow!