When you think about protecting your spouse what do you think of? Protecting them physically or protecting their reputations and best interests.
I know for example that I’m never likely to be called upon to protect Mick in a physical sense although if called upon to do so I would certainly try. But since he’s so much stronger than me it’s not likely to happen. However I make sure I protect him in other ways and the ways you might want to think about and see if you protect your spouse.
For example even if we have an argument I don’t criticize and run him down and moan to friends. Sure, I make the odd comment about him being stubborn – like when he wouldn’t go to the doctor when he was sick. But it’s not something I’d say behind his back to someone else, because I said it to him as well. He is stubborn at times. So am I. It’s not always a fault in marriage.
The main thing is that I never say anything to anyone else about him that I would feel uncomfortable for him to hear or that I wouldn’t say to him. More often I tell people about the lovely things he does as regular viewers of this blog will know.
Another example of protecting your spouse is from family members. It’s not a good idea to go whining to family members about your spouse’s faults. What is likely to happen is that they will come back with some of their own views about your spouse. If they are negative comments, you might be tempted to repeat them and say something like ‘Mom thinks you’re….’ you fill in the blank. That’s certainly not helpful for your spouse to hear. What will happen is that it puts the relationship of your spouse and their in-laws in jeopardy. It’s not going to help any relationship for them to know your sister or mother thinks they’re selfish or lazy or whatever.
If another family member has made negative comments about your spouse, don’t repeat them. If they have a bad relationship, hearing negative repeated comments will only make it worse. Even if they have a normally good relationship it could negatively affect that. In the interests of protecting the relationship and protecting your spouse, keep it to yourself. They don’t need to know. It will only hurt them.
It may also affect your relationship with family members. When you’ve calmed down and the relationship with your spouse is back on an even keel, you will remember those comments and perhaps feel guilty for revealing too much and not being loyal to your spouse. You might find it hard to forget the negative comments. So to protect your spouse and your marriage, keep arguments and disagreements and fault fifing in house. It needs to stay only between you and your spouse.
Related Blogs
Gossip and Loyalty in Marriage
A Little Spoiling Goes a Long Way