This is for the men. Just for fun, let’s do a little lesson in interpreting wife-speak.
Does this make me look fat?
If you have been married for any length of time, or even if you have been in a long term relationship with a woman, you probably already know that this is a trick question. There really is no safe answer. That’s because, “Does this make me look fat?” really means, I’m feeling a bit insecure and I need some reassurance. Do you still find me attractive? A variation of this one is, “How do I look?” To avoid both, notice your wife when she gets ready and say something about the way she looks before she has a chance to ask.
How much do you love me?
This one means I really need a favor or I just broke something of yours. She wants to get your guard down before she tells you that her Visa is maxed again or your mother-in-law is coming for a week or that she just hit your motorcycle with the car.
It’s not that bad
This one may apply to some of the above. It’s not that bad usually means, how can I make it seem less bad? Kind of like: I ran over your new bike, but it’s just a scratch, it’s not that bad.
Oh, Nothing
When you ask what’s wrong and she says nothing, don’t just say okay and keep going. You know what I’m talking about. If she gives you a casual reply, fine, but if she says, “Oh, nothing… [big long sigh],” then nothing means I need you but I feel silly or don’t know how to tell you or maybe I don’t know what’s really bothering me but something is and I’m down but I need you and if you really loved me you’d know that and you’d make me feel better. In other words, nothing means a whole lot of something.