From the conversations I have had with other single parents, I know that I am not alone when I confess to wrestling with the “shoulds”–it doesn’t seem to matter WHAT I am doing; how I have carefully organized my time or how productive I am attempting to be, I cannot help but think of all the other things that I SHOULD be doing too (or instead). Even if I am making the best possible decision for the moment, there always seem to be a dozen other things that I could or think that maybe I should be doing…
What an awful, destructive voice that “should” voice is! It keeps me from being able to relax and enjoy a moment or stay in the “now”; it interferes with my decision-making process; it erodes my confidence and self-esteem; and it fills my days with self-doubt and precariousness. The fact is, as a single parent, there are probably far more things that I SHOULD do in a day than I actually could do. That “should” voice tells me that I could be working harder, run more errands, make a more healthy home-cooked meal instead of having cheese and fruit and crackers–you name it. I’m sure that you have your own version of that “should” voice that keeps you from being able to feel good about what you ARE doing for your family and yourself.
While all the experts say we need to get rid of that “should” voice, it is harder than it sounds. I am settling for quieting it down and stifling it when I can. I try to remind myself that I am only human and that I do NOT have to be fully efficient and fully actualized at every moment of every day. I might make mistakes but I am doing my best and even if the “should” voice tries to convince me that I am a slacker, I really am not. I may not ever be able to banish the “should” voice completely, but I’m working on shushing him up a bit!
Also: Some Days There is Nothing to Do But Laugh
Have You Heard the Term “Time Poverty”?
There Will be Days When the Exhaustion is Unbearable