During the first several years of a child’s life attachment with the parents is the most important issue. Adopted newborn behavior relationships with their mother and father is not much different then a biological baby’s behavior would be.
The biggest differences between biological and adopted newborns appear the most with the adoptive parents feelings and behaviors. When dealing with the ordinary issues all parents of new babies face, such as colic and fussiness, adoptive parents often worry their instincts aren’t working right or that they would know what to do if they were the biological parents.
Many adoptive parents of newborns today enter an open or semi open adoption agreement with the birthmother or birth family. Most research indicates there are some very good benefits for the adopted child when the mystery of their origin is not an issue as they grow up. The greatest stress in open or semi open agreements may be for the adoptive parents who worry, “Will the baby love us?”
It’s important for parents who adopt newborns to understand the normal developmental milestones and stages all babies go through. Healthy bonding and attachment occurs during the years from birth to age three. Many of the normal stages of attachment can be difficult for any parent to understand and overcome.
It is easy for adoptive parents to find themselves wondering if their adopted infant is experiencing an adoption related attachment issue. “Is there something wrong with attachment because my 16 month old will not allow me to leave the room without screaming?” Usually, the answer is, “No. This is typical for most children this age.”
Adoptive parents should educate themselves on parenting issues in general and adoption issues specifically. Understanding the natural development progress of all newborns and young children may help ease some of the fears of parents who adopt newborns.
Typically, children adopted as a newborn are told the adoption story many times as they grow up. Often, they have contact with the birthmother or birth family and understand adoption as a normal part of the story of their lives. While children adopted as newborns do process the story of their lives at certain developmental stages, parenting a child from birth to the age of three is pretty much the same no matter how the baby joins the family.
Adopted children will be like all children and have a similar level of understanding about adoption at about the same ages. Understanding how all children develop their understanding about adoption and being prepared for these stages can make raising an adopted newborn less concerning. A wonderful website for families who adopt a newborn is www.zerotothree.org.
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For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.