Pre-school children have a vary limited understanding of what the word “Adoption” means. Most young pre-school children are unable to differentiate between being adopted and being born into a family. These little children have not developed the ability to think about themselves as both being born and then adopted.
Children during this developmental stage enjoy hearing their adoption story told over and over again and will repeat it to anyone willing to listen. Adopted children at this age may think all children were adopted and that all moms and dads adopt children.
Adoption themes may become a part of play both at home and with friends. At this time, parents begin to set the foundation for future conversations about adoption and/or foster care information. Parents may begin to introduce terms that will make sense to the child later. This is the age to create a positive attitude so future discussions will be comfortable for everyone.
A few activities parents may consider doing with their pre-school adopted child might include:
- Use of the words “adoption” and “adopted” when playing or talking about babies and families.
- Role playing by initiating concepts such as getting ready for the arrival of an adopted child, going to the air port or foster home to meet the new child or pretending to go to court to have the adoption finalized.
- Choose stories with adoption themes and read them to your preschooler.
- Make sure there are pictures and books in the pre-school or day care setting that reflect diversity of families.
Sometime between the ages of three and four, children begin to understand they were once a baby and one day they will grow up and become a mommy or daddy. This is the age when children typically start to ask questions such as, “Did I grow in your tummy, mommy?” and “Where do babies come from?” These questions offer adoptive parents an opportunity to plant seeds of true information in our child’s mind about what adoption means to us and to them.
Between the ages of four and six years old, most children begin to realize, it takes a mommy and daddy to make a baby. The adopted child also begins to understand that this is not the same mommy and daddy they live with now. This is the age when children begin to understand adoption in a very basic way and how families are made.
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