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Raising Great Kids, and Having a Great Marriage

If you are married and are a parent, you probably have heard the old saying, “In order to be a good father, you must be a good husband first.” I still believe that’s true after 20 years of marriage—if anything, even more so after this year. It’s been a tough year, trying to take care of a child with special needs, trying to raise 2 young girls, 2 teenagers, and having my wife work full-time while I stay home and try to keep the family together. Add on top of that, money problems, lack of child care, and a wife with a chronic illness, it makes for a lot of strain on a marriage. It’s easy to forget to spend quality time with my wife.

You need a break away from the kids and the routine of life, but you don’t think you can afford it. The answer is quite simple, and yet profound: You can’t afford not to do it! Your wife needs to feel special like she did when your first started going out together. She desperately needs to feel loved and accepted, and cared for by you. It is so easy for your love for each other to get choked out by all the worries and cares of this world.

Some things don’t have to cost you any money to get away for just a little while each day. You can take a walk around your neighborhood, or take a drive for 15 minutes. If you have very young children, you might be able to go somewhere for an hour, while the kids are at church in the nursery. Recently, I took my wife to get a breakfast sandwich one Sunday while the kids were at church. It wasn’t long –maybe 30 minutes, but it made her feel special. If you don’t have a sitter, or family you can count on, you might be able to ask a friend at church you trust.

If you don’t invest the time now with your wife, you will regret it later. Your wife’s attitude, good or bad, has a profound effect on the overall tone of the entire household. The old saying, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”, kind of brings it all back into perspective.

Take the time to look for creative ways to make time with the one you love. Today, I had a opportunity to do something silly with my wife in front of our kids. I saw her jumping on the trampoline and I decided it would be fun to jump on it with her. We smiled and laughed, and our daughter and the dog got on with us. What fun we had. That was a special memory we created on the spur of the moment.

My point is that you have to be looking for them. If you do, I believe that you will be on your way to raising great kids and having a great marriage. Your kids will see that your relationship with your wife is important.

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About Rich Andrews

Rich has been married 20 years to his wife Laura. They have 4 children together, one with many special health and learning needs because of velocardiofacial syndrome. They homeschool 2 of their 4 children. Rich has been a stay-at-home dad for the past year after working in social services for 15 years. Laura works from home full time as a medical transcriptionist. Both parents have degrees in education and have done a lot of research on health- and family-related issues. The Andrews family is committed to living a healthy lifestyle, a commitment that has become more important to them than ever after Laura was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis shortly after the birth of their fourth child. Rich worked for 9 years as a Child Protective Services (CPS) Case Manager, investigating allegations of abuse and neglect. He has also served as a Guardian ad Litem for children in divorce cases involving custody and has volunteered as a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) for child welfare cases, representing the best interests of children in court.