I write often about the perils and joys of parenting teenagers, but one sure truth is that the older our kids get, the harder it can be to feel like we’re staying “in touch.” It seems to be the natural course of things that we should drift apart, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep trying to touch base. Even though it may be more of a challenge, it is so important that we take the time to regularly and really check in with our children.
When I talk about “checking in,” I’m not talking about asking them if they’ve done their homework or how their day was. I’m talking about actually sitting down and having a conversation about what sort of things are moving in their world, how they are feeling, what is inspiring and troubling them–really checking in. Now, I know for a fact that this is much easier said (or written about) than actually done when it comes to trying to communicate with teenagers!
I’ve found that making myself available is the first step. Taking up residence in the living room or kitchen, or calling someone in to help me with a task or chore are some of the things I’ve learned to do to facilitate conversation. Driving, walking, riding the bus together or some other form of transportation is also a good way to set the stage for a chat session. There’s something about being side-by-side and not in the house that seems to diffuse some of the stresses and make it possible for really finding out how things are going.
I also must confess that with my older teenage daughters, we have some pretty decent chats via instant messaging! Ignoring the silliness of the fact that I am at my computer on one floor and one of them is on theirs on another, we can sometimes have some good chats while they are “multi-tasking” and doing other things. While I don’t think of these as real “check in” sessions, they do manage to tide us over until we can have a more personal one!
Even when life gets bustling and hectic, taking the time to truly check in with our kids will pay off in our staying connected and maintaining a relationship–not to mention help us keep track of just what is going on!
See Also: When To and When NOT to Say, “When I Was Your Age” and I’m Not Stupid, Mom!