I look back at blog entries I wrote when I was pregnant, as well as e-mails I sent my friends, and it’s clear that there were moments when I was so eager for pregnancy to end. I really enjoyed pregnancy for the most part, but near the end I became so sore and uncomfortable, and I could hardly contain my excitement to cradle my baby in my arms for the first time. As much as I was ready to become a mother, however, there are some things about pregnancy that I truly miss.
I used to lay on my side with my hand tucked underneath my belly. My son would rest on my hand and I could feel every movement. I would close my eyes and try to picture what his face might look like and envision his personality based on the way he moved. Sometimes now I look into his blue eyes and then at the blurry ultrasounds and I try to put the pieces together. The baby I knew inside of me then was different, and yet very much the same as the baby who sits on my lap and chews on my hoodie strings these days. I could only imagine what he looked like back then, and when he was born, I looked upon a stranger for moment, struggling to memorize every detail of his face. But when I held him to my chest and cupped his teeny bottom in my hand, that was when I recognized him. That cute little butt was the bump that always appeared next to my belly button when he stretched. The way he moved… that never changed. He is just as active today as he was then. He’s just as tough and strong. It definitely still hurts when he kicks!
I also miss the way he was protected in there. He’s always got a cut or a bruise somewhere on his body now that he’s literally running around the house and falling off of things. When he was born, every inch of skin was just perfect. I didn’t have to worry about him banging his head on anything when I was pregnant. I didn’t have to worry about other babies scratching him during play dates or him pulling end tables onto himself.
As much as I love the sound of his little voice, sometimes I miss how quiet things were when I was pregnant. The only noise he made was his precious heart beat on the monitors. Now I am serenaded by screams on the changing table and playful shrieking when I’m on the phone. At the end of the day, when he drifts off to sleep, the sudden silence in the house is almost unnerving because it’s such a stark contrast from the rest of my day.
I think I will enjoy my next pregnancy even more because of these things. I will relish the peace, the rib kicks and the ability to keep the child so close to me, safe and sound. that’s not to say I don’t absolutely love what comes after pregnancy. I miss pregnancy sometimes, but I really love this stage I’m in,too. The grass is green on both sides in this case. Pregnancy and motherhood each offer their own unique blessings.