People often say that it takes two to make a relationship work. I agree with that statement, but also understand that it only takes one person to completely destroy a relationship. Betrayal, lies, untruth and other social deviance can wreak havoc on a relationship no matter how mature or experienced both parties are.
When living through a divorce it is easy to assign blame to the other person. There might be a lot of truth that the other person was primarily responsible for the breakup of the relationship, but part of the healing process is getting to a point where you can evaluate your less than stellar contributions to the breakup.
A friend of mine once told me that her husband was probably responsible for 80% of their relationship problems and she was responsible for 20%. Knowing the couple, this seemed like a fair assessment. It is a good thing that she can take responsibility for at least a small portion of the relational breakup. In my own case, I came to the realization that I was not always a picnic to live with and I had faults and problems that needed work…and still do.
Sometimes our poor decisions create terrible living circumstances. Perhaps marrying too young, or living with the wrong person, knowing that he or she is not the right one for you, but doing it anyway for convenience or to escape another inadequate living situation. Sometimes these bad decisions can take years to work through. Perhaps marrying the wrong person will eventually work out if there is enough commitment by both parties to try to make things work.
At the very least, after a breakup of a relationship, it is wise to take responsibility through the identification of our own feelings, attitudes and behaviors that may or may not have contributed to the relationships demise. Discovering negative triggers and working toward creating change can help make us more emotionally healthy.