Relationship problems are the easiest to identify in other couples and sometimes hard to even begin to diagnose in your own relationship. The problem in the identification is linked to the level of involvement. In watching a television show about a couple having issues, the viewer is often given an omniscient view of what’s going on with both parties. They can see what ‘happened’ and what was ‘said’ and even how it was ‘misunderstood’ or ‘misrepresented.’ In essence, they are the watcher and their emotional involvement doesn’t color their perception of events because they have the luxury of being a bit removed.
Problems your friends or even your family may experience in their relationships could be similar in nature because you are a bit removed from it and might be able to look at something with a clearer mindset or even just look at it logically and see the holes in perception. However, perception is 99% of how we respond and feel most of the time. When we perceive that someone cares about us through words, we expect action to accompany that more often than not. When action does not follow-through then problems can arise whether they are genuine or imagined.
Also, viewing someone else’s relationship through a looking glass might skew ones own sense of relationship problems. There are couples that simply do not agree in public. Many parents try to achieve this same effect by never disagreeing in front of their children. Their children are presented with a united and unified front and the problems these couples do experience are not put on display for anyone to view, comment or react to. This is as much an issue of privacy as it is about creating a stable environment.
Couples who only discuss their problems with each other behind closed doors and away from the eyes of others may have developed a greater sense of trust and have no fear of humiliation in front of others – and by humiliation this isn’t about abuse. This is more about couples that are embarrassed by what a spouse or significant other is saying about them or how they are speaking to them. No one wants to be treated like an idiot in front of other people. It will and often does exacerbate the problems the couple is already disagreeing over.
Though if you do happen to witness a problem between couples, it’s often best to stay out of it unless physical violence or real abuse is taking place or it’s very disruptive to the surroundings. If it’s just one of the couple telling you about the problems, bear in mind that person might be venting and just needing to blow off some steam. They might not be looking for you to champion their side in a ‘fight’ that doesn’t truly exist. Couples actually can and do disagree without being a ‘fight’ and no sides are needed.
Being a sounding board for relationship problems can also have its downside, because while you are there for your friend, you may begin to view your other friend through distorted glasses. It never pays to meddle, but it can help to listen and sometimes just to talk if the problems are your own. But remember the most important thing about relationship problems; if the two people who are in the relationship can’t solve the problem then its likely interference by a third party can’t either.
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