I heard a great lecture by Rabbi Manis Friedman of Minnesota. He began by talking about a man who came to the great Jewish sage, Hillel, and asked him to teach the man the entire Torah while he was standing on one foot. Hillel said, “What is hateful to you, don’t do to others. The rest is commentary. Now go and learn it.” Rabbi Friedman asks the question why this injunction is phrased in the negative; why, for instance, did he not say “love others as yourself?” Also, this might seem to make Judaism relative to each individual, which wouldn’t be kosher. If pickles are hateful to me, I won’t serve them to you. This can’t be what Hillel really means.
It turns out that “what is hateful to you” is not just anything that is hateful to you, but what is universally hateful to every human being, and that is feeling like nothing. Everything in the world that offends us is disturbing because it calls our existence into question. But there is some reality in this fear of nothingness, because it makes us aware of our need for G-d and for a spouse to complete our existence and to give our life meaning. This feeling of incompleteness is absolutely real, since an individual by himself or herself is not a whole being. Without G-d, we are nothing, and without our spouse, we are only half. Everyone in the world has a potential spouse called a “bashert.” A man is commanded to go out and search for our other half and to get married.
Our function in marriage is to make our spouse feel whole and not like a half. Denigrating comments and coldness can make our spouse sense his halfness and make his existence seem shaky. Our job in marriage is to complement and to complete each other. Similarly, kindness to others helps them to feel significant, and respect for another’s existence is the basis of morality. This is what Hillel meant by his statement; “what is hateful” is to make another person feel like less than a human being.
More blogs containing ideas from Rabbi Friedman’s lectures
The Tartar and the Holy Men
A Jewish View of Pregnancy and Childbirth
Judaism and Natural Childbirth