Is that an overly optimistic view of relationships and how they work? Potentially, but bear with me a moment as I discuss this topic because it’s important to me. I believe that every relationship I’ve ever had in my life has led to the relationship I have with my husband. I think in some ways, as cliché as it may sound, if I hadn’t traveled the road I did, I may not have met him nor had the experience from those relationships that helped to make this one work. When I was younger and stupider (okay, perhaps not stupider but certainly far more naïve) I used to think relationships were like throwing sticky balls at the wall. You kept throwing the ball until it stopped slipping free and stayed put.
When we’re younger, our relationships may be fueled by who is good looking and what seems attractive on the surface. We learn at times that surface beauty is exactly that – just on the surface, the person who they are beneath that veneer is not who you may have though it would be. Another common mistake is the assumption of who they are.
It’s a truism that we all put our best face on when we meet new people. We are on our best behavior and we do our best to not be offensive. After we’ve known someone for a while and we’ve had time to be in a bad mood or be a little bit selfish – that’s when a fuller picture of who we are comes out and there are times when that picture and that experience does not go well with either of you.
Seeds for Success
Each of those relationships teaches us something. That something provides us with a seed that we can then utilize in future relationships, improving our judgment and ultimately improving ourselves. Remember, not all mistakes made in previous relationships are going to be made by our romantic partners, but also ourselves. Remember, one of the mistakes we make is thinking we want one person when the reality is, that we don’t. So we clarify for ourselves what we really want out of a relationship.
If this all sounds very abstract, that’s because it is very abstract. From a very young age, I had an image of what I wanted out of a relationship. I wanted a very strong person – someone I couldn’t steamroll because I’ve learned over the years that I do that. I tend to dominate my relationships, not intentionally, but I’m a take-charge kind of person.
Unsuccessful Relationships
So if you’re concerned about relationships that haven’t succeeded, take a moment to evaluate them and why they didn’t succeed. Those relationships have something to teach you, when you learn what that is, you avoid making those mistakes again. You also get a better picture of whom you want. Don’t believe me? Ask your friends who are in successful relationships – I bet they can tell you what they learned from their previous relationships and how it applies to the relationship they are in now.
What have you learned from your previous relationships?
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