If there is one word that can sometimes describe the teen years, it is “tense.” There can be a lot of tension in the home, especially when you are dealing with certain challenges or disagreements. The reality is that our teens won’t always agree with us and they will almost certainly challenge us to some degree.
It is easy to get wrapped up in those moments. It is easy to succumb to the temptations of acting just like them. It is easy to get into a shouting match or suddenly find yourself in a place where you don’t know who you are as a parent.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. I am finding that the more I learn to let go of certain issues, as hard as it may be, the less stress I feel. That impacts the way I talk to my teens and the way they respond.
Letting go doesn’t mean allowing your teen to do whatever they want. It means letting go of judgments. What you think about your teen’s friends is one thing…what you say is another. Some judgments are best left to our thoughts only.
What you think about the way your teen styles their hair (or the colors they choose), the clothes they wear or the accessories that adorn their bodies. These judgments need to be carefully weighed.
Tension in the home can also be relieved by learning to let go of control, those areas that you shouldn’t be grasping onto any longer. Only you know where you are holding on desperately, while your teen is trying to pry your fingers away…and deep down inside you know you need to release the hold.
You can also drastically cut down on the tension by letting go of the need to always be right. Oh, how I suffer terribly from that. Even if I don’t say it, I often act that way. I know what is best…but maybe, just maybe I really don’t.
The tension begins to fade away when I let go in these key areas. When I learn to relax a little, to enjoy the moment, to not make a big deal out of the small stuff, to not worry and to learn to trust my teens more…they in turn relax.
Suddenly there is less eye rolling and slamming doors. There is more talking and sharing. There is definitely less tension.
Related Articles:
The Sometimes Frustrating Game of Raising Teens
My Best Advice: Choose Your Battles
Your Challenging Teen May Be Able to Better Resist Peer Pressure
When It’s Hard to See the Good
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